Perspective

If you read here or over at my other blog "home" very often, you have probably noticed that I've been in a sort of a funk lately. This season of life caught me off guard. I'm not ready to be the mother of a high schooler. I'm not at all prepared to start the process of letting go of my first. The Lord has been speaking to me night and day though. He is speaking clearly and at times, it seems as if I can actually feel a physical tug on my heart from Him.

I feel as though I have been going through self induced therapy. Every day I gather my thoughts and do something different with them. I start with prayer, and then I write, walk or read. Seriously... This season of life is kicking my rear!

Most recently I have picked up a book called 'The Gift of an Ordinary Day' by Katrina Kenison. It has been a HUGE blessing. I have decided that I NEED to meet this lady! I need to sit down with her, have a big cup of coffee and just let it all out. As I have been reading this book, I have felt that she has lived the life that I am now living. She has done the mourning. Her circumstances through all of the changes were so much like mine. Even the move right before starting high school! That in itself has proved to be more significant than I wanted to let it be. I have been writing some of her ideas down as I've been reading. I thought I'd share one here today...

" Whether we choose change, or it chooses us, the only thing we can know for sure is that security of any kind is an illusion. The life we know is always in the process of becoming something else." ~ Katrina Kenison

So there's only one thing I don't agree with here. I do that a lot when I read. I'm not one of those people who will read a book from front to back and agree with everything the author has to say. That's what makes reading interesting and fun for me. It challenges my thoughts. I don't agree with her statement about security. Not every kind of security is an illusion. Thankfully, my security in the Lord and his care over my life is NOT an illusion. It's something I FEEL everyday.... Even the days that I find my eyes just won't stop watering. What I believe she was talking about here is the earthly securities. Securities in our homes, our jobs, our families. Those things are the things that are always in the process of becoming something else. For a person who finds change difficult, this is a hard thought. And then... I kept reading.

I read on the news ticker about all of these people in Turkey who are mourning ABSOLUTE losses! I read on another blog about a mother who is mourning the death of her 8 month old baby boy who was taken by cancer in a matter of weeks. I read in my son's weekly school on-line newsletter about a family who last talked to their son a month ago now. He is lying in a hospital bed still in a coma. All of a sudden, I have perspective. I feel completely selfish for even shedding one tear over this season of change that I'm in. My family is all here. They are all well. We are happy. We do not mourn death right now. I may find change difficult, but because of this perspective, I must drag myself out of this pitiful place!

Our lives are always becoming. Today looks different than yesterday and tomorrow will look different than today. There is beauty in that though, isn't there? I think of this...

Receiving a long hug from from my fourteen year old is different now than it was yesterday. When he was younger, he hugged me because it's what little boys do. Sure, he hugged me because he wanted to. I know that. However, it feels different now. When he hugs me today I feel a deeper sense of his love for me and his need for me in his life. There is admiration and respect in his hugs. There may be fewer of them throughout the days, but the quality out weighs the quantity by far. There is beauty in the change taking place.

Because of what I know now, the words that I choose with my other two boys are chosen more carefully. I take more time out of my schedule to just sit with them and do nothing else but listen. Our relationships are stronger and sweeter than ever! There is beauty in the change....

Perspective was the perfect prescription.