Have No Fear

I have been absent for awhile. The seasons are changing here, and with that I tend to always start to "hibernate". I'm still just as busy as ever.... Feeding boys, cleaning up after boys, driving boys, in addition to my teaching job(s). My soul feels the tug to hibernate though. Why this is, I'm not sure.

Since I have last written, the young man (referred to as L) slipped back into a coma. He was only out of his coma briefly before his lung collapsed with a bacterial infection. The doctors thought it best to induce the coma again to allow his body to continue to heal. This poor boy has a sick heart, brain damage caused by having zero heart beat for a full 30 minutes, and now a bacterial infection in his lung. Please continue to pray for him and his family. The heart ache they must feel right now... The strength they must NEED! I cannot fathom it all.

During this time of prayer for L, I have experienced deep feelings of fear. I look at my boys with different eyes. I look at my husband and even myself and my mind wanders to the unknowns. I would even go as far to say that the first week or so after this tragedy, I was paralyzed by fear. I wanted nothing more than to pick up all my "little chicks" and bring them home where they would be safe under my wing. I spent a lot of time praying for L, and even more time crying. After a few days of this, I started to feel less of satan's grip on me and more of the Father's love. It was there all along, but I wasn't allowing myself the safety of a wing so much bigger than mine. This same wing that protects my family day after day.

Fear is something not to be ashamed of or deny. It's when I deny it that it grows bigger than me. It's when I face it, proclaim it.... Look it straight it the eye that it becomes smaller and manageable. I am reading a book that describes God as the pole that a tight rope walker holds as they walk the rope. The pole is there to create balance. God is here to create balance.... If I allow Him to. If I fight the pole, wrestle it in my grip, I will lose this balance and fall hard. If I hold it confidently, sure of it's purpose... I will walk with ease and a hope knowing I will get to the other side.

Today I am praising Jesus that He creates balance for me. I am praising Him because fear is not claiming me. I know that God has L's life in His hands. My heart has known that since the beginning. There is a story unfolding. One that is unknown by me, but NOT unknown by Him. I also know that God has already written my story, my husband's story, and the stories of my children. With so many things to distract me from what is most important, I KNOW that the MOST important thing is that they love JESUS! They love Him, they serve Him, they desire to please Him. They want Him to be the pole that they hold on their tight rope lines.

Jesus... You are so good. So perfect. Thank you for bringing balance into my life and helping me with my struggles. You are never late. Thank you for holding my family under your wing. Your wing is the only one we can truly find shelter under. Thank you for the grace you give us, knowing there will even be more to come.