If you read here or over at my other blog "home" very often, you have probably noticed that I've been in a sort of a funk lately. This season of life caught me off guard. I'm not ready to be the mother of a high schooler. I'm not at all prepared to start the process of letting go of my first. The Lord has been speaking to me night and day though. He is speaking clearly and at times, it seems as if I can actually feel a physical tug on my heart from Him.
I feel as though I have been going through self induced therapy. Every day I gather my thoughts and do something different with them. I start with prayer, and then I write, walk or read. Seriously... This season of life is kicking my rear!
Most recently I have picked up a book called 'The Gift of an Ordinary Day' by Katrina Kenison. It has been a HUGE blessing. I have decided that I NEED to meet this lady! I need to sit down with her, have a big cup of coffee and just let it all out. As I have been reading this book, I have felt that she has lived the life that I am now living. She has done the mourning. Her circumstances through all of the changes were so much like mine. Even the move right before starting high school! That in itself has proved to be more significant than I wanted to let it be. I have been writing some of her ideas down as I've been reading. I thought I'd share one here today...
" Whether we choose change, or it chooses us, the only thing we can know for sure is that security of any kind is an illusion. The life we know is always in the process of becoming something else." ~ Katrina Kenison
So there's only one thing I don't agree with here. I do that a lot when I read. I'm not one of those people who will read a book from front to back and agree with everything the author has to say. That's what makes reading interesting and fun for me. It challenges my thoughts. I don't agree with her statement about security. Not every kind of security is an illusion. Thankfully, my security in the Lord and his care over my life is NOT an illusion. It's something I FEEL everyday.... Even the days that I find my eyes just won't stop watering. What I believe she was talking about here is the earthly securities. Securities in our homes, our jobs, our families. Those things are the things that are always in the process of becoming something else. For a person who finds change difficult, this is a hard thought. And then... I kept reading.
I read on the news ticker about all of these people in Turkey who are mourning ABSOLUTE losses! I read on another blog about a mother who is mourning the death of her 8 month old baby boy who was taken by cancer in a matter of weeks. I read in my son's weekly school on-line newsletter about a family who last talked to their son a month ago now. He is lying in a hospital bed still in a coma. All of a sudden, I have perspective. I feel completely selfish for even shedding one tear over this season of change that I'm in. My family is all here. They are all well. We are happy. We do not mourn death right now. I may find change difficult, but because of this perspective, I must drag myself out of this pitiful place!
Our lives are always becoming. Today looks different than yesterday and tomorrow will look different than today. There is beauty in that though, isn't there? I think of this...
Receiving a long hug from from my fourteen year old is different now than it was yesterday. When he was younger, he hugged me because it's what little boys do. Sure, he hugged me because he wanted to. I know that. However, it feels different now. When he hugs me today I feel a deeper sense of his love for me and his need for me in his life. There is admiration and respect in his hugs. There may be fewer of them throughout the days, but the quality out weighs the quantity by far. There is beauty in the change taking place.
Because of what I know now, the words that I choose with my other two boys are chosen more carefully. I take more time out of my schedule to just sit with them and do nothing else but listen. Our relationships are stronger and sweeter than ever! There is beauty in the change....
Perspective was the perfect prescription.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Have No Fear
I have been absent for awhile. The seasons are changing here, and with that I tend to always start to "hibernate". I'm still just as busy as ever.... Feeding boys, cleaning up after boys, driving boys, in addition to my teaching job(s). My soul feels the tug to hibernate though. Why this is, I'm not sure.
Since I have last written, the young man (referred to as L) slipped back into a coma. He was only out of his coma briefly before his lung collapsed with a bacterial infection. The doctors thought it best to induce the coma again to allow his body to continue to heal. This poor boy has a sick heart, brain damage caused by having zero heart beat for a full 30 minutes, and now a bacterial infection in his lung. Please continue to pray for him and his family. The heart ache they must feel right now... The strength they must NEED! I cannot fathom it all.
During this time of prayer for L, I have experienced deep feelings of fear. I look at my boys with different eyes. I look at my husband and even myself and my mind wanders to the unknowns. I would even go as far to say that the first week or so after this tragedy, I was paralyzed by fear. I wanted nothing more than to pick up all my "little chicks" and bring them home where they would be safe under my wing. I spent a lot of time praying for L, and even more time crying. After a few days of this, I started to feel less of satan's grip on me and more of the Father's love. It was there all along, but I wasn't allowing myself the safety of a wing so much bigger than mine. This same wing that protects my family day after day.
Fear is something not to be ashamed of or deny. It's when I deny it that it grows bigger than me. It's when I face it, proclaim it.... Look it straight it the eye that it becomes smaller and manageable. I am reading a book that describes God as the pole that a tight rope walker holds as they walk the rope. The pole is there to create balance. God is here to create balance.... If I allow Him to. If I fight the pole, wrestle it in my grip, I will lose this balance and fall hard. If I hold it confidently, sure of it's purpose... I will walk with ease and a hope knowing I will get to the other side.
Today I am praising Jesus that He creates balance for me. I am praising Him because fear is not claiming me. I know that God has L's life in His hands. My heart has known that since the beginning. There is a story unfolding. One that is unknown by me, but NOT unknown by Him. I also know that God has already written my story, my husband's story, and the stories of my children. With so many things to distract me from what is most important, I KNOW that the MOST important thing is that they love JESUS! They love Him, they serve Him, they desire to please Him. They want Him to be the pole that they hold on their tight rope lines.
Jesus... You are so good. So perfect. Thank you for bringing balance into my life and helping me with my struggles. You are never late. Thank you for holding my family under your wing. Your wing is the only one we can truly find shelter under. Thank you for the grace you give us, knowing there will even be more to come.
Since I have last written, the young man (referred to as L) slipped back into a coma. He was only out of his coma briefly before his lung collapsed with a bacterial infection. The doctors thought it best to induce the coma again to allow his body to continue to heal. This poor boy has a sick heart, brain damage caused by having zero heart beat for a full 30 minutes, and now a bacterial infection in his lung. Please continue to pray for him and his family. The heart ache they must feel right now... The strength they must NEED! I cannot fathom it all.
During this time of prayer for L, I have experienced deep feelings of fear. I look at my boys with different eyes. I look at my husband and even myself and my mind wanders to the unknowns. I would even go as far to say that the first week or so after this tragedy, I was paralyzed by fear. I wanted nothing more than to pick up all my "little chicks" and bring them home where they would be safe under my wing. I spent a lot of time praying for L, and even more time crying. After a few days of this, I started to feel less of satan's grip on me and more of the Father's love. It was there all along, but I wasn't allowing myself the safety of a wing so much bigger than mine. This same wing that protects my family day after day.
Fear is something not to be ashamed of or deny. It's when I deny it that it grows bigger than me. It's when I face it, proclaim it.... Look it straight it the eye that it becomes smaller and manageable. I am reading a book that describes God as the pole that a tight rope walker holds as they walk the rope. The pole is there to create balance. God is here to create balance.... If I allow Him to. If I fight the pole, wrestle it in my grip, I will lose this balance and fall hard. If I hold it confidently, sure of it's purpose... I will walk with ease and a hope knowing I will get to the other side.
Today I am praising Jesus that He creates balance for me. I am praising Him because fear is not claiming me. I know that God has L's life in His hands. My heart has known that since the beginning. There is a story unfolding. One that is unknown by me, but NOT unknown by Him. I also know that God has already written my story, my husband's story, and the stories of my children. With so many things to distract me from what is most important, I KNOW that the MOST important thing is that they love JESUS! They love Him, they serve Him, they desire to please Him. They want Him to be the pole that they hold on their tight rope lines.
Jesus... You are so good. So perfect. Thank you for bringing balance into my life and helping me with my struggles. You are never late. Thank you for holding my family under your wing. Your wing is the only one we can truly find shelter under. Thank you for the grace you give us, knowing there will even be more to come.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Praise Be To HIM!!
The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. ~ John 1:14
My heart is overwhelmed with praise this morning! So full, that I find it hard to know where to begin...
For those of you who follow me over at my other "blog home", you read this week that a friend of Luke's suffered a major heart attack last Sunday. He was put into a medically induced coma. By mid-week, the parents reported to us that the Dr.'s had informed them that it would "take a miracle" for L to survive.
Wednesday it was national "See you at the pole" day. Students all over our nation gathered on their school campuses to pray. Some prayed for their nation. Some prayed for their schools. Del Oro High School (where my son and his friend attend) prayed for L and his family. I can't say what everyone else's specific prayers were, but I can say that my son, along with us and MANY others ( I called the world I think, including contacting K~Love radio) have been praying for a miracle! I know what my Father is capable of. After Wednesday, I started seeing this all in a new light. I started to see that there was a bigger picture. Obviously this young man was in much medical need. Obviously his parents were hurting beyond what I can even comprehend. My gut and my heart were telling me that L would be healed and that this was about bringing others into relationship with Christ... Maybe some who didn't share any relationship with Him... Maybe others who have relationship, but it is only surface deep.
It is no coincidence that on the day AFTER the school gathered to pray for him, this boy's parents called the school to report that they thought they had seen L try to open his eyes. It is no coincidence that two days after the school gathered to pray for L, he woke up from his coma. He completely came out of it! The doctors had said it would take a miracle, and that it what they witnessed. I'm sure today they are stumped by it all, but I am not. Those that have been praying are not. My son is not. His faith has been forever changed because he has witnessed first hand the biggest kind of miracle there is.
Last night before we went to bed, I prayed with my family. My prayers included this friend of Luke's and his family. I prayed for physical and emotional strength and healing. I prayed specifically that L would come out of his coma and that everything about that would point to Christ.... That He would receive ALL the glory for the miraculous thing He had done! My eyes are wet this morning and there is a lump in my throat as big as a golf ball because my Jesus did this. He wrote the pages of this week. He continues to write the pages of the days and weeks to come as the effects of this boy's life and tragic near death story trickle down. This is far from over.
Please continue to pray for L as he now has double pneumonia. I will be praying for healing there too. I will also be praying that people's hearts will be open to accepting what really happened here. That we will see it for what it really is and nothing else.... That the Lord will receive all the praise and honor. I will pray for this high school student body too. I believe that the Lord wants to turn their eyes towards Him in this. I believe he wants to capture hearts. I pray that their hearts will be tender and willing.
Thank you, Jesus. You are so good... So perfect. I can say that knowing that even if you would have chosen to take L's life, You still would have had a perfect plan. I ask that You continue to be with L as he experiences complete healing. I pray that Your face is seen in all of this.... That everything about this story points to YOU! Thank you for making your presence known in my heart this week and in the hearts of my family. I praise You because of who You are. You never change. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I am in awe...
My heart is overwhelmed with praise this morning! So full, that I find it hard to know where to begin...
For those of you who follow me over at my other "blog home", you read this week that a friend of Luke's suffered a major heart attack last Sunday. He was put into a medically induced coma. By mid-week, the parents reported to us that the Dr.'s had informed them that it would "take a miracle" for L to survive.
Wednesday it was national "See you at the pole" day. Students all over our nation gathered on their school campuses to pray. Some prayed for their nation. Some prayed for their schools. Del Oro High School (where my son and his friend attend) prayed for L and his family. I can't say what everyone else's specific prayers were, but I can say that my son, along with us and MANY others ( I called the world I think, including contacting K~Love radio) have been praying for a miracle! I know what my Father is capable of. After Wednesday, I started seeing this all in a new light. I started to see that there was a bigger picture. Obviously this young man was in much medical need. Obviously his parents were hurting beyond what I can even comprehend. My gut and my heart were telling me that L would be healed and that this was about bringing others into relationship with Christ... Maybe some who didn't share any relationship with Him... Maybe others who have relationship, but it is only surface deep.
It is no coincidence that on the day AFTER the school gathered to pray for him, this boy's parents called the school to report that they thought they had seen L try to open his eyes. It is no coincidence that two days after the school gathered to pray for L, he woke up from his coma. He completely came out of it! The doctors had said it would take a miracle, and that it what they witnessed. I'm sure today they are stumped by it all, but I am not. Those that have been praying are not. My son is not. His faith has been forever changed because he has witnessed first hand the biggest kind of miracle there is.
Last night before we went to bed, I prayed with my family. My prayers included this friend of Luke's and his family. I prayed for physical and emotional strength and healing. I prayed specifically that L would come out of his coma and that everything about that would point to Christ.... That He would receive ALL the glory for the miraculous thing He had done! My eyes are wet this morning and there is a lump in my throat as big as a golf ball because my Jesus did this. He wrote the pages of this week. He continues to write the pages of the days and weeks to come as the effects of this boy's life and tragic near death story trickle down. This is far from over.
Please continue to pray for L as he now has double pneumonia. I will be praying for healing there too. I will also be praying that people's hearts will be open to accepting what really happened here. That we will see it for what it really is and nothing else.... That the Lord will receive all the praise and honor. I will pray for this high school student body too. I believe that the Lord wants to turn their eyes towards Him in this. I believe he wants to capture hearts. I pray that their hearts will be tender and willing.
Thank you, Jesus. You are so good... So perfect. I can say that knowing that even if you would have chosen to take L's life, You still would have had a perfect plan. I ask that You continue to be with L as he experiences complete healing. I pray that Your face is seen in all of this.... That everything about this story points to YOU! Thank you for making your presence known in my heart this week and in the hearts of my family. I praise You because of who You are. You never change. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I am in awe...
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